he’ll hold her hand

(a song of necessary restraint in iambic pentameter)
by robert r. cargill, july 12, 2005

and she stood tall a head above the rest
ne’er introduced yet minds so coalesced
from first to last he’d met his match within
he’d met her not but somehow she knew him
the awkwardness of beginnings anew
the joy of hope brings sense to thoughts construed
the fascination of discovery
finds match of intellectual degree
she looks at him and smiles with kindred heart
with crooked smile he returns glance in part
a chemistry with friend so newly made
yet swallowed much of what he wished to say
leaves what he feels with much anxiety
unsaid for fear of impropriety
that obvious to them is left unsaid
for fears of hearts on which he fears to tread
embattled is his mind shy yet well-versed
which errs upon the side of safety first
he wants to say so much to friend so new
but life’s dashed hopes have taught him to subdue
connection undeniable to all
yet complication causes love to stall
he toys with notions of confessions grand
defying sensibility’s demands
he looks away but yet he is drawn near
her heart of compassion he so reveres
attraction undeniable must breathe
for love’s last hope the sword must not be sheathed
but realizes he the truth of love
that grace and honor trump the push and shove
true love does pressure not those in its sight
but patiently awaits and does invite
readied extended hand sincerely waits
for time when love from head to hand translates
he’ll hold her hand when mutual time is right
he’ll draw her near in arms embraced so tight
he’ll wait for her to work through mind unsure
and offers life and love and home secure
he hopes she’ll choose the risk of life with him
for only then does life make sense again

(c) 2005 robert r. cargill

behold the rock

by robert r. cargill, january 24, 2005

behold the rock
unmoving and stubborn
hard and weathered
it is completely and utterly alone
a rock needs no love
for it is a rock
made of stone
it shows no emotion
because rocks do not emote
no cracks, save the wear of weather
no flaws, save the wounds of time
a rock cannot hurt
because it does not feel
it never opens up
because there is nothing inside
it is all stone
a rock needs no attention
because it does not know love
and never will
a rock cannot be disappointed
because rocks cannot have expectations
a rock withstands all
bears all
supports all
and asks nothing in return
for what right has a rock to ask for anything in return
a rock withstands the crashing waves of a westward midnight without flinching
and greets the morning sun
day in, day out
a rock is steady
and this is what we’ve come to expect from a rock
never failing
never faltering
always a rock
and then one day
when the rock cracks
we look to those nearby
and say, ‘look, the rock has cracked,’
and then go about our business
for it is a rock
and no one cares

(c) 2005 robert r. cargill

house lights

the credits rolled
with room still dark
some stood and gathered their things
it was time
everyone knew
cell phones chirped
whispers turned to voices
as they walked past him to the door
yet he sat
awaiting the surprise
the easter egg outtakes in the credits
that were still to come
the theater emptied around him
and still he hoped
he longed for the epilogue
the true ending
that would change the course of the story just told
and as the soundtrack faded to scratches
and then to a projector’s hum
the house lights came on
and reality set in
as did the silence
it was over
of course, he had known for some time
yet still he hoped
and still he waited
but ‘twas not to be
expectations dwindled
potential faded
the story ended
the moment passed

still he sat
until the usher asked
are you ok?
can’t you see it’s over?
and he replied
yes, but what if…?
just in case…
i’d rather know disappointment than regret

he smiled and stood
turned and left the theater
and without regret
he walked away
surprisingly satisfied
knowing in his heart
he gave the story every chance to change its ending
even though the story had been written long ago
and he’d seen that film before


(c) 2008 robert r. cargill

thus begins the ever-searching soul

there are four traits among those who sit before the sages:
a sponge, a funnel, a strainer, and a sifter
a sponge – because he sponges everything up
a funnel – because he takes in on one side and lets out on the other
a strainer – for he lets out the wine and retains the lees
and a sifter – for he lets out the flour and retains the finest flour

– mishnah avot 5:15


mine has been the life of a professional student
i have spent the better part of my thirty-five years learning
attempting to reconcile my experiences with what i have been taught
believing firmly that the one who claims to know, does not
and discovering that grace trumps arrogance
facts trump beliefs
and love defies all constants
i live life with forgiving eyes
a crooked smile
a heart of service
and an inquisitive mind
questioning everything
and observing, often in silence
studying the constant properties that govern our universe
and the fickle ones that govern our relationships
i have spent a lifetime learning
and this will not change

but now is the time
to synthesize what i have observed
and begin to comment publicly
with wit and perspicacity
irony and intensity
patience and professional responsibility
and an ever-inspired awe for all things around me

thus begins the blog of the ever-searching soul

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